Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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