Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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