we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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