What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
