Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
