i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
