i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
