he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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