xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
