I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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