yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
