my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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