I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
