He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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