It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
