Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
