Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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