I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
