I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
