Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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