She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
