finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
