so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
