The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
