How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My vagina just recognized that song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
