Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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