Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We are all done wearing pants today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
