Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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