I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
