dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
