Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
