I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
