My friends, they love my intelligence
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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