My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
