phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
