i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
