im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
