My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
