I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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