The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
