I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
