you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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