do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
