you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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