She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
