and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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