Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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