I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
