Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to calm my uterus...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
