As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
