you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
