i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
